Farewell, for a while...………...
Whilst I move on to my most probable challenging role ever- being a mum!
So today marks the day that I leave Park for a few months as I head off on my maternity leave. I can’t believe the time has come. It’s safe to say I am a mixed bag of emotions: Excited, fearful, hopeful, nervous and happy to name a few so I thought it might be a good idea to commit my biggest hopes as well as fears to writing so I can look back on once I return to work.
So how do I feel?
I’ll be honest and say one of my biggest fears is learning to “let go”. I have been described as a “control freak” in the past and I must admit, I do tend to agree. So yes, I feel anxious, fearful over losing my identity when I stop working yet feeling guilty about feeling like this!
I love working at Park and my clients and my team mean the world to me. I have also, up until recently, believed that my career defines me, makes me into the professional that I am, even makes me the person I am. So how will I cope if I can’t do what defines me on a daily basis? How can I continue to be me? How will I deal with losing my identity? How will I cope with not checking my emails?
I have had a word with myself and I have realised that what defines me is not in fact my job but it’s ME that defines me. I am me whatever job or role I do, I will not change whether I am at home or at work and in fact my values will remain with me until I do return to the workplace and will help me every day in my new role! I am hoping that I will also pick up new skills such as patience, the ability to join new friendship groups, multitasking in a different capacity, as well as functioning with what I have heard will be a distinct lack of sleep!
I have also heard that maternity leave can be desperately, achingly lonely and at times, being stuck at home with a tiny baby who needs you 24/7, can feel like staring straight into despair so I am determined to be that woman who asks other mums if they want to go for coffee within minutes of meeting at the playgroups. I want to organise play dates, talk excitedly about going out for a wine (or 2) once we can leave our babies at home – will this be realistic? I certainly hope so.
I also need to remember that this is our journey, mine, Adam’s and our newborn’s. I am sure we will be handed heaps of much-needed and valuable advice but I want to do it our way. I don’t want to put any unnecessary pressure on myself by doing what I think “should” be done or this is how others are doing it. I want to find our own routine and go with the flow (of course, should our baby let us!!!)
I know in my absence my team will continue to be amazing. I have every faith in them and look forward to celebrating and sharing their successes and hearing about their continuing journey in the wonderful and somewhat weird at times world of recruitment.
As for me, I will be fully embracing my new role as mum, leaving work behind for a few months and will be out and about “hopefully” enjoying what beautiful Jersey has to offer in the summer.
See you all in a few months!